Ladyboys, happy endings and ping pong shows

Phuket, Thailand

Most people know of Phuket’s infamous reputation. The name conjures images of prancing lady-boys, massages with a certain special ending, and – of course – the ping pong shows.

We decided to experience some of what the town has to offer first hand – when in Rome!

It was interesting to see an entirely different crowd in this part of Thailand,

What are all these old white dudes doing here?

… That one didn’t take long to find out.

Within just a few hours we had already seen several lady-boys, strutting down the street in their high heels, heterosexual men with confused erections staring after them. Ironically, they tend to be the ones most scantily dressed, acting the most feminine, wearing the most makeup, and, more often than not… you wouldn’t have a clue.

With lady-boys checked off our list, we thought of the other experiences Phuket had to offer. The happy massages weren’t on the top of Kerry’s list… or mine *sigh.*

So that left us with just one option: ping pong shows!

We had heard a lot about these shows and knew more or less what we were getting ourselves in for. But, despite the warnings, online articles and travellers’ stories, we still weren’t entirely prepared for the reality.

We started the night off with several cocktails, mainly to grow the balls needed to walk through the door.

On the other side of the door there was no real stage to speak of, no rows of seating, no curtains drawn in suspense. The other side of the door was, in fact, a strip club.

In retrospect, this really shouldn’t have come as a surprise.

We took our seats between several middle aged men with topless girls (half their age) sat on their laps, and exchanged pleasantries.

As the men around us were offered various sexual favours, we sat and waited for the show to begin.

And so it did.

Dressed in nothing but a night gown, a lady came to the stage and got straight to it. She was all business as she squatted down over a piece of paper, marker pen protruding from between her thighs. Moments later she stood up, showing us a sign reading “Welcome” in hand(?) writing more legible than my own!

We applaud politely.

Without going into too much detail, her succeeding acts involved; bursting balloons with darts, smoking cigarettes and various tricks with ping pong balls, all, needless to say, carried out using nothing but her multi-talented VJ – as Kerry likes to call it.

Thinking the show had ended, Kerry and I prepared to leave all but a little too soon.

Turns out that the show wasn’t over.

Two girls were now sharing the stage, erotically grinding against each other. Their show proceeded to include acts that were actually illegal where we were just weeks before. Kerry pointed out a man sat in the corner, who was enthusiastically showing those around him the prominent outline of his growing package.

The show in general was one neither of us will forget in a hurry. Thanks Phuket, you’ve been… something. 

Photos - Taman Negara Rainforest

And our trek begins ...

Elephant footprints

Our natural shower

Candlelit dinner inside the cave

Our sleeping arrangements

Refreshing river swim

Noodle lunch in the heart of the jungle

Children of the tribe

Naturally made dart

Dart gun

We made it!

Relaxing cruise back

Sleeping in the jungle

Taman Negara (national park) and Kuala Tahan, Malaysia

We spent a couple of days in Kuala Tahan, a village within walking distance of Taman Negara (the world’s oldest rainforest). We were taken by wooden longboat to a mini waterfall and swam in the refreshing river, deep inside the rainforest. We also did a night trek where our guide pointed out creepy crawlies of the rainforest – including 2 scorpions and a bird-eating-spider! The following day we were meant to head to Thailand but it’d mean Jack spending his birthday on a sleeper bus (not so fun). Instead, we ending up doing a 2 day, 1 night jungle trek, and slept inside a bat-inhabited cave!! The trek was challenging but enjoyable, we had a good group and an awesome guide. We walked 16km in total, with our sleeping bags, roll mats, food and 3 litres of water. We walked over rocks, fallen trees, roots and leaves covered with leeches. I was bitten once, it didn’t hurt but bled a lot. On a number of occasions we had to balance on logs, suspended several meters above rivers/streams, to get to the other side. During the trek, we also got the opportunity to meet one of the genuine tribes of the jungle. It was a little daunting. They speak their own language and have their own traditions and beliefs. We were shown how they catch food using a blow dart-gun. It was an effective weapon, made entirely of materials found in the rainforest. An interesting - slightly disturbing - fact we learnt, was that when a member of the tribe dies, instead of burring/cremating the body, the corpse is hung and left on top of the highest nearby tree, as the body is apparently closer to haven this way. Imagine coming across that!!

Photos - Perhentian Islands

Huge blacktip reef sharks

Sea turtle

Cute monkeys at our hotel

Drinks by the sea

Another beautiful island

Trying to make the most of paradise

The Perhentian Islands (Besar)

We spent the first day staying within close proximity to the bathroom.

We spent most the second day on the floor, in the foetal position, clutching our stomachs.

We spent the third continuing with the above, whilst also shivering under thick blankets, despite the 30 degree heat.

It would be safe to say that we were pretty ill.

Food poisoning perhaps? Dengue fever?... Tapeworms?

We weren’t sure.

On the fourth day, something amazing happened: we made it outside!

It was our last day and despite still not feeling 100%, we were going to make the most of it!

We booked ourselves onto a local snorkelling trip. We got into our swimming stuff, showing off our newly malnourished figures, and set off.

And thank god that we did!

We were soon floating over the most vibrant corals we had ever seen. A stop later and we are snorkelling amongst large black tipped reef sharks, gracefully gliding just a few feet beneath us. Back on the boat and next we are dropped off right above a huge turtle; seemingly unnerved by the desperate splashing noises I was making trying to keep up with it.

We are so glad we managed to do this. Another great experience. And to top it off, we managed the whole trip without soiling ourselves :) 

Photos - Kuala Besut

Various animals roaming the town

A taste of local life

Kuala Besut, Malaysia

Kuala Besut is a hub for travellers to access several island off the coast of Malaysiabut it was soon obvious that not many people stay in the town itself. We couldn’t find a menu with any translations so our meals we ordered through guess work which worked out surprisingly well and got us trying more of local dishes. However, on one occasion I was caught out. Leaving the room to fetch some water I bumped into the owner of our guesthouse, who happened to be holding several bags of ready-made food. She couldn’t speak any English but made it apparent that I should try it. I graciously accepted and after about 10 minutes of fumbling around with the bag like a tool, managed to get it open. Rather than wait the several hours it would’ve taken me to figure the rest out, she prepared the rest of the meal for me, passed me a spoon, and waited…

It looked like… mush, with white strips of… something.

I took a spoonful and swallowed.

My taste buds where overwhelmed with the fishiest, fishy, fish taste I have ever known – I cannot stand fish.

“Mmmmmmmmm!” I said, trying not to vomit.

She smiled at me with delight and indicated that I could finish the whole bag.
I told her she was being too kind, was she sure she didn’t want it back?

She insisted.

I could see only way out. I went to fetch Kerry.

Having been so overwhelmed by the taste of fish, I hadn’t noticed the other prominent flavour of the dish; coconut.

Kerry hates coconut.

“Mmmmmmmmm!”  She said, trying not to vomit.

Somehow, between us, we managed it. Passing – or shoving – the dish between us - “lovely,” “yum,” “so tasty,” – we cleared the bag.

The thought and generosity is what counts… but that was tough.

We didn’t get up to much in Kuala Besut. We did our usual walk around the area and found ourselves in a poorer part of town where goats, chickens, cows and an array of other farmyard animals wonder around freely between roads and small shops. The children here were fascinated by us, waving and screaming… running to watch us walk by. They went even crazier when we waved back too. We felt like celebrities.